Sunday, March 24, 2013

The Monkey on My Back

I am moving through The Animal Kingdom. I have gone from chickens to monkeys.  Not real monkeys, mind you.  Those pesky, invisible ones.  The ones only you can hear, yet wish you couldn't.  The ones that wake you up at night, set your heart racing, put your brain into over-drive, and keep you awake until morning with their annoying whispers.  Their taunting reminders of the deadlines and projects you'd like to forget.  The projects you thought would be fun, easy, quick.

Instead of writing the quick and easy stories like I'd planned, however, I've spent the first eight lessons of my writer's workshop agonizing over word choice and verb tense. I've learned that I should "avoid hedging words."  Words like rather, appears, somewhat, seems.  Apparently, (oops) these words are too vague. I've learned that most sentences fall into three parts, or syntactic slots.  Say that three times fast! And I have spent so much time obsessing and revising and rewriting, that without that nagging monkey, I wouldn't have made some of my deadlines.   

Now, I wish I could go back in time and reselect the topic for my final project, because it's about the death of a loved one. I know what you're thinking: how morbid!  But it's really not.  Morbid, that is.  It is difficult, though, because it brings back to life a whole slew of forgotten memories and emotions.  But, in all fairness, I picked it, so I brought them on myself.  Additionally, I have learned that sometimes our topics "choose us," rather than the other way around, because they need to be written.  Thus, while I'd rather spend my free time writing about happier topics, or any topic that doesn't have a due-date, I am enjoying this exercise.  Painful though it may be.  

So with Monkey's help, I have learned to push through, to persevere.  And, it has paid off.  Despite my subject matter, I have gotten very positive feedback from my instructor and my classmates.  People who've actually gone through what I'm only writing about.  This makes me feel good.  

As my kids will attest to, I'm a firm believer in the "you've got to finish what you've started" philosophy.  Which is why I am sitting here, in front of the computer screen, on a beautiful sunny Saturday morning, instead of baking Dave's birthday cake, or going outside to weed the flower beds like I'd planned.   But this is where the monkey lives.  Not to mention I can't bear the thought of having an "Incomplete" out there on my cyber-student record.  Plus, it's still cold out there. 

So, here I will stay; thinking, typing, twisting my hair around my fingers, drinking coffee, eating the perfectly delicious cookies I baked yesterday just for Anna, until I can, finally, shut. that. monkey. up.  Or until it warms up outside; whichever comes first.  

Keep on keeping on-
S-


No comments:

Post a Comment