I'm Torn

Lately, I have been struggling with a dilemma.  Nothing earth shattering, like whether or not I should switch from The Blue Team to The Red. Nothing that's going to revolutionize my world, or make it a better place. Nothing that even involves my whole world. Just a little interpersonal struggle. The same struggle I always have: how best to cope in an ever-changing world. How to keep up. To fit in while staying true to myself, to my beliefs.  

What belief am I referring to?  

I, Sonja, The Bibliophile--And Lover Of All Things Book: library books, book stores, book clubs, book fairs, book mobiles, book shelves, even--want a tablet.  More specifically, I want a Kindle.  

could this be me?

How did this happen?  

It's not because they're cool and new.  Obviously, I'm way behind that bandwagon. 

Nor is my new found desire a financial one.  A new, hardcover book is about $25.00.  Downloading that same book, about $12.99 (I think).    Then there's the Kindle itself: $119. (gotta get the one with the back light I've been told)  None of these prices are so exorbitant that they'd break my bank, so what is causing my change of heart?  

Easy:  instant gratification. A tablet can provide me what I crave, when I crave it.  (Much like a drug addiction, I see, when I put it into words)  

I realize we have been brainwashed trained by advertisers, marketing experts to believe that we must have the latest and greatest the minute it comes on the market.  Why else would we line up at the stroke of midnight, when we should be sleeping, to be the first to purchase the latest IPhone, or IPad?  Why else would we let our kids stay up, way too late--ON A SCHOOL NIGHT--just to be among the first to see the latest Twilight movie?  Why else do our kids have no idea what Layaway is.  

Because we can't help it; everything is so accessible now-a-days.  Or can we?  We could retrain ourselves, right?  What's that old expression: anything worth having is worth the wait. (or something like that)  But waiting for a bestseller to hit the paperback table can be such a LONG wait. 

I haven't always been like this.  I used to have patience.  I just don't know where it went; maybe my kids drained it out of me, maybe it's just old age setting in.  I just know that it's gone.  And because it's gone, when I want something, (like a spoiled toddler) I want it now.  I don't want to wait for the paperback edition.  

Unfortunately, owning a tablet contradicts everything I've taught my girls: books need pages, made of paper.  They need a spine, a catchy cover, a picture of the author (complete with bio) in the back.  They need a brief synopsis on the inside flap, and loads of praise from book reviewers. 

So I can hear my family's comments now: 

Big:  Actually she will refrain from using words at all, letting her eye-rolling and jaw-dropping do the talking for her.  

Little: "cool!"

Mr.: "it's about time!"   

And what about the library?  Will I still go if all I have to do is sit at my computer, type in my card number and hit download?  And what about the book stores? As it is; they are slowly dying out. Luckily, my favorite book store, Liberty Bay Books, is still going strong.  But this, I'm sure, is the result of a savvy business owner.  An owner who has connected with her community.  An owner who makes sure her store always has something going on; a book club, a knitting group, an author visit. 

It wasn't all that long ago, this same book store owner transformed the streets of my hometown into the magical kingdom of Hogwarts.  And with a much younger Anna leading the way, I joined the throng of Gryffindor-clad children wandering the streets searching for signs of wizardry and magic. A late-night screening of an earlier Potter movie followed this scavenger hunt, and the night ended, outside said bookstore, where anxious young readers eagerly waited  for their very own copy of the newest Harry Potter book.  Finally, it was our turn.  When the tired bookseller crossed Anna's name off the pre-order list, handed her a book still wrapped in plastic, I swear she was beaming with excitement.  As soon as she got back to her Grandpa's house, she turned on the reading lamp, cracked that book open, smelled its fresh crisp pages, (she's weird that way) and dove in. 

I realize I could have waited and bought that book the next day, at a reasonable hour, and not missed a wink of sleep.  But that night was about more than just the book.  It was special for both mom and daughter, and has become a memory I will cherish forever; one that I hope Big still carries inside of her.  

What will become of these booksellers as more and more of us opt for e-readers?  Who will wander their aisles, perusing their new-fiction and bargain-book tables?  What will become of us as readers?  Will our children cherish their e-stories the same way Anna did?  

Right now, at this point, I don't care about any of that.  The spoiled toddler in me just wants her book.  She doesn't want to wait for the 22 holds at the library to read the ONE AND ONLY copy.  And she doesn't want to be a good role model for her children.  In fact, she has a new motto:  Life is precious, live in the moment!  Who knows what will happen tomorrow? 

Well, apparently, my moment will have to wait 5-7 weeks.  For that's how long the back order is on the Kindle.  

It figures!   

xoxo
S-