Goodbye 2010 -- Hello 2011!
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| The Larsons looking ahead to 2011 |
Everyone knows that with each new year comes an opportunity to reflect on one's life: the good, the bad, what we hope to change or discard. It's a time to make new promises, set new goals. Not for me, though. I have never practiced this tradition, because I have a good life. I am married to a loving husband, and I've been blessed to be a stay at home mom with two beautiful daughters. I have good friends, a roof over my head, and a car that gets me where I need to go. And my lovely Dad is still alive and kicking. (He's had a few health problems the last few years, so this makes me VERY happy.) So, really, what would I change? What do I need, that I don't have already? Nothing--until this year. 2010 was hard. It was more than hard; it was stressful, exhausting, and full of emotional upheaval.
I had struggles with my seventeen year old daughter that I, honestly, never anticipated. Perhaps I was naive, but I just never saw us in one of those mother/teen relationships. The ones that are ripe with strife and struggle, always battling for control. No way--not us. We had always been close, telling each other everything. Or so I thought. So when Anna grew up and became one of those daughters, the daughter who rejects her parents, wants everything her way, doesn't want to be told what to do or when to be home, and fights with her parents CONSTANTLY, I, in turn, became one of those mothers.
Defining the root of our struggle isn't easy. Is it a personality conflict? We're pretty similar, though it could be argued that I'm a little more high strung. Is it her lack of maturity, her inability to see beyond her own tightly-knit world? Is it my temper? Or (d): all of the above. Whatever the root may be, Anna was different, rebellious. She was no longer the kid who did exactly what she was told. On the contrary she challenged us: our expectations, our rules--everything. And by that, I really mean me. She challenged me, argued with me, slammed doors in front of me, hurt me.
I'd like to say with certainty that last year's drama walked out the door on December 31st, but I can't. Only time will tell.
I can report that life with her has improved. She left that summer boyfriend, or he left her, I'm not really sure how that went down. In any case, he wasn't good for her. (And teens, if you are reading this, take note: who you associate with really does matter.) She got a job, and kept her eyes on the prize: graduation. She's been accepted at all of the colleges she applied to, and is looking forward to her next adventure; life without her micro-managing mother. Honestly, we have had a few rough moments, but that's all they've been: moments. Following a huge blow-out last summer, (a time I look back upon with great sadness) I think she now realizes that actions do have consequences. That words really can be harmful. And when my youngest occasionally asks, "Mom, why do you and Anna yell at each other?" Embarrassed, I can only respond, "sometimes living together is difficult." And hope that is answer enough for now.
2010 also took the life of my 20 year old nephew. Okay, his involvement with drugs and alcohol was really the culprit. But his death--his murder--was still tragic, still devastating. Bryan grew up in Alaska, with a family that was very different from mine. A family that struggled with many challenges. Thus, I wasn't very close to him. But I felt his loss deeply. The loss of a boy who would never grow to be a man. So I flew to Alaska, hugged my sisters, and helped organize my first funeral; not fun. When I boarded the plane in Fairbanks to return home, I was never more grateful for the family I was coming home too: defiant teenager and all.
Finally, I ended the year fearing I had breast cancer. Although the actual time spent worrying and tending to this situation was only a few weeks, it was long enough to rock my world. Luckily, everything was fine and the calcium deposits showed "no signs of malignancy." Good news.
Obviously, 2010 wasn't all bad. I was lucky enough to spend some time in one of my favorite places: beautiful Twisp, Washington. I ran trails, soaked up some much needed sunshine, ate GOOD food, and played with my little fisherman, until she quickly got bored and wanted to go for a hike. My husband and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary, and I watched my six year old gain confidence on the soccer field and then face her fears by playing in her first violin recital.
So here's where my "resolution" comes in. In 2011 I am hoping to find the beauty and creativity that lies within myself and my every day life. I mean who couldn't use a little of that? And here's the easy part; it's already there! I just have to stop and notice it. And, no, I'm not taking any art classes, or cooking classes (though, really, I could probably use a few of those) and not even putting out large wads of cash.
How, you wonder, am I going to accomplish this? Easy. I am simply going to write a few words on my blog (a few? I know this is a long post), take a few pictures with my NEW camera, bake something yummy, or, maybe, just knit something new. Nothing that will demand much more of my time. I don't want my "resolution" to become a job, something I have to measure. I'm not going for the Sistine Chapel here, just a little piece of beauty in my corner of the world.
And it's already working:
I knitted a little case for my camera.
I baked something old (but new to me): My Grandma's Danish Puff. And they turned out beautifully. Although, admittedly, they were PRETTY sweet. So, no, I won't be making them again. But hey! That's not what this project is about. It's about the effort.
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| Grandma Dahl's Danish Puff: The blurriness hides its true beauty, but I had to show ya anyway |
I made a new photo coffee cup. But taking a picture- of a bunch of pictures--on a cup--wasn't turning out so well. So, until I figure out how to post those, you'll just have to believe me!
I stamped some beautiful Thank You cards for Anna (Christmas was 2 weeks ago! ) and all it took was a blank note card, a pretty tree stamp, and some glittery gold ink. I think they look pretty good, how about you?
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| And, YES, Anna's Thank-Yous have since been written and sent! |
And last night I started knitting a birthday gift for a friend of mine. Sorry I can't show you yet, don't want to ruin the surprise. (Maybe after her birthday:)
As you can see, none of my "projects" have been hugely time consuming, or expensive. And I didn't make something EVERY day. But I did appreciate the effort, the beauty, and the creativity that I put into everything I did make.
Like my blog, I don't know how long this creative energy will last. Hopefully for a while, because it's making me feel pretty damn good about myself. And I do know that 2011 will have troubles of its own, as all years do. But I will hope for the best, that's all I can do.
I sincerely hope 2011 brings you much happiness, good health, and some beauty of your own.
S-
P.S. This post was about my WHOLE 2010 and my mention of Anna was just a mere part of it, added for emphasis. I did not intend to make her out to be "a bad kid." Because she's not. She's seventeen and trying to find out who she is and who she wants to become. And I know she loves us. She just needs to go off to college to realize it for herself :)
P.S.S As for NJ, I'm praying, PRAYING, that she and I will have a different relationship down the road. But sadly, the parenting I give her will very likely match my parenting of Anna. I mean I am what I am. I'm just hoping that her personality turns out less like mine and more like her Dad's. She already has his freckles!
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